“Mommy, you’re beautiful”

When I did, I felt different. I felt funny. I felt confused. I didn’t feel good at all actually… “ahhh why did I do this?” is what I was thinking.

 

So my big chop part 2 was just as hard as my first big chop. If you have read my story, My Journey, then you are familiar with the damaging process that lead me to my first big chop. I wanted to share my story about my second big chop and it was my son who helped me get through it.

Summer of 2014 I wanted so badly to wear my natural hair out but the front was so damaged from flat ironing to blend it with my wigs/weaves, then my natural hair was no longer healthy due to lack of nurturing. I pretty much ignored it and it showed. I ended up getting a kinky weave to match my texture for length and style. It looked nice but it was SUCH a mess to take care of… My showers were longer, getting ready was longer, the entire process was time consuming.  It frustrated me that I was working so hard to manage it when I could have just took care of my hair in the first place, lol. So I decided to start over and cut all of my hair off, again.

When I did, I felt different. I felt funny. I felt confused. I didn’t feel good at all actually… “ahhh why did I do this?” is what I was thinking.  It was so short and the last time it was that short, I went and got a weave the next day… so what did I do this time? It was a Sunday and I called about 3 different stylist to try to make appointments so I can put my weave or wig back in. Mind you, my birthday weekend and best friends bachelorette party was approaching!  I was stressed and I didn’t understand why until I realized that I have never really wore my hair natural after I cut it the first time so I had no idea what to do with it, nor was I used to just letting my hair out that way. I remember vividly, my son, boyfriend, and I were in the bedroom hanging out, watching t.v, snacking and such and I kept scrolling in my phone for additional “plugs” to get a quick fix for my hair to get done (I would NOT give up! lol). Finding an available hair stylist on a late Sunday afternoon? Yea, good luck!  So,  suddenly my son, Cameron, looked at me in my eyes and for the first time the words “Mommy, you are beautiful” left his mouth. I was in shock, he was still so young and developing a vocabulary. I cried tears of joy and took this photo of myself afterwards and posted it on Facebook for everyone to see.

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I felt so good about myself afterwards. My second big chop inspired me to try different things, I even decided to go blonde after this transition. I then began to embrace it a lot more…I went cold turkey. I even stopped using my blow drier. It was my second big chop that really was the start to my natural hair journey. It made me love myself more… it truly helped with my confidence. I no longer felt the need to wear any weave… I even stopped wearing fake nails. I have to say that I have no problem with weaves, wigs or anything else , but theses were also things that I depended on so much and that was a problem for me… so,  I guess I can say I feel free now 🙂

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